On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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