Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
