rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize