is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize