obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think I just sharted jello shots
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