I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
