She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
