i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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