Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
