so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
