I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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