Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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