Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
