He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
