You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
