I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
