the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
