oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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