we're blogging at a bar
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
