I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
