that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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