never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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