Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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