Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
