I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
