is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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