I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
