All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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