He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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