i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
