i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
