Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
