I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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