Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
