**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
