I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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