need another drink. this is the easiest way
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
