Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
