I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You made out with two different species that night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
