It's Friday. Sex?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
