Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
