I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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