The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
