Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
