i think my tv is drunk
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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