think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
