You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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