i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Blood and glitter go together right?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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