I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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