Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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