just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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