Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
