I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
How's work?
Spinning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
