Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
