you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
