ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
