Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
