This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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