Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
