Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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