remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
