Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
