I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize