I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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