1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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