dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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