Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Found your dick twin last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
